As I look back over this past year, I’ve noticed the same Emotional Intelligence competencies appearing again and again as development opportunities for many clients across diverse business sectors – empathy, adaptability, and self-awareness. These are the areas leaders tend to overlook, underestimate, or quietly avoid. And empathy, in particular, is still too often dismissed as “soft”, “too emotional”, or “too personal”.
But empathy isn’t weakness. Empathy is skilled leadership.
Daniel Goleman describes it as a core EI pillar -a capability that shapes decision-making, trust, and influence. RocheMartin reinforces this through the Emotional Capital Reports (ECR) psychometric assessments, where empathy is measurable, observable, and linked directly to leadership impact, blind spots, and emotional self-management. And before we go any further, it’s important to name something that often creates confusion:
Empathy is not sympathy.
Sympathy says, “I feel sorry for you.” Empathy says, “I’m trying to understand how this feels for you.”
Sympathy creates distance. Empathy creates connection. Sympathy stays on the surface. Empathy sits with someone in their experience without trying to fix, rescue, or minimise.
As Mimi Nicklin – Empathy Advocate often reminds us, empathy is “human-centred intelligence” a skill that strengthens performance, communication, and culture when leaders choose to practise it intentionally.
And that’s the key: in every strong leader I work with, empathy isn’t accidental. It’s intentional. It’s trained. And it’s practised every single day.
What Empathy Really Is and Isn’t
Empathy is:
- Understanding how someone is experiencing a moment
- Listening beyond the words
- Staying curious
- Holding space without rushing to fix
- Using silence with purpose
Empathy is not:
- Agreeing
- Taking on someone’s emotions
- Over-functioning
- Minimising (“At least…”)
- People-pleasing
- Sacrificing your boundaries
Even Brené Brown admits she still makes empathy mistakes the quick reassurance, the comparison of pain, the avoidance of discomfort. I do too. We all do. Empathy isn’t a trait; it’s a practice. And we will always be practising.
Why This Has Become Deeply Personal
As many of you may know, my mum is currently receiving ongoing treatment for both lung and breast cancer. This has meant long days in hospitals ,waiting rooms, corridors, quiet conversations, and moments you can’t quite prepare yourself for. When life becomes fragile, you notice everything differently. Especially empathy.
Some moments have been deeply compassionate. Others have been rushed, detached, or emotionally absent. What I’ve noticed most is that empathy often arrives quietly: a nurse who pauses instead of hurrying, a doctor who sits instead of standing over you, a receptionist who softens her tone and acknowledges fear.
This is the power of silence – the kind of leadership presence we rarely talk about, but desperately need.
Why Empathy Is a Future Skill, Not a Soft Skill
The World Economic Forum ranks Empathy as a critical future capability and one we must invest in our training and development plans. Empathy strengthens:
- Self-awareness
- Relationship skills
- Adaptability under pressure
- Influence and collaboration
- Psychological safety and trust
Teams without empathy produce tension, conflict, and fear-based decision-making. Teams with empathy think better together.
Empathy isn’t soft. It’s efficient. It reduces rework, conflict, and turnover. It makes conversations clearer, decisions stronger, and cultures healthier and it can be measured and you can train your brain to develop it.
Three Practical Ways to Build Empathy
1. Slow Your First Reaction
Your first thought is automatic. Your second is intentional. Pause for three seconds before responding, this single habit removes most empathy blind spots.
2. Stay Curious, Not Certain
Replace judgement with questions like:
- “What’s going on for you right now?”
- “What do you need in this moment?”
- “What would help you feel supported?”
Curiosity turns conflict into clarity. Seek to understand rather than be understood.
3. Use Purposeful Silence
Silence is one of the most underrated EI skills. Hold a few seconds of space before you respond. People open up more and you understand more.
Quick FAQs
❓Does empathy mean absorbing others’ emotions? No. That’s emotional over-involvement an Empathy blind spot. Empathy simply means understanding.
❓Is empathy just being nice? Nice is a behaviour. Empathy is an intelligence. They’re not the same.
❓What if empathy drains me? Support yourself. Rest. Use boundaries. Compassion fatigue isn’t a sign to harden; it’s a sign to care for yourself.
❓Can empathy coexist with accountability? Absolutely. Boundaries + empathy = strong leadership.
❓What if empathy doesn’t come naturally to me? It’s a skill, not a personality trait. With practice, reflection, and the right questions, it grows.
A Final Thought
Whether in boardrooms or hospital corridors, empathy is the difference between people feeling safe and people feeling alone and disconnected. It’s not soft. It’s not optional. It’s a core leadership skill that shapes how we think, decide, and connect. We don’t have to have it figured out. We just have to stay committed to practising it.
Want to measure your empathy and learn news ways to improve it for yourself or your team- Book a discovery call to learn more.